roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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