Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
