my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
