Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
