i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
