Jerry, you need to find god
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
