Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
