After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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