I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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