I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize