Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
