last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
