Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
