I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
