You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
