If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
