he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
