Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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