I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
