he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
wow bdsm is so cute
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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