Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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