I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
