You made me cry and you don't even care
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
