If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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