Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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