Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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