I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
