There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You ruined the universe
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
