you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
