Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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