K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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