yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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