I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
