you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
