did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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