I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
