if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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