I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
