im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
