he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
