I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My brain says no but my pants say off.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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