didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
