I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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