Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
