I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
