I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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