All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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