I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
