I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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