he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
