Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
