are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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