How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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