just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize