Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
