sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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