haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize