You're so nebulous sometimes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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