Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
