We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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