dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
