11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize