her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i out mim tonsoeep
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
