Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
