we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
