i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
